ughh hate it when blogger started to give me this lame posting page. i cant see my previous ones, in add to all of that, i'm using a keyboard with chinese characters on it. argh, it's hard to type while your eyes are wandering off those unreadable lines and curves.

he was online yesterday, and as always,said nice things to me.oh well,like adjie said ... you cant actually trust men 100%.talking about adjie,he sent me a very thoughtful email yesterday. thanks ji!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





Painting by Van Gogh
[thanks to Presbag]

tai!! i hate to get trapped in a family arguments!! tai tai tai tai TAI!!!! maunya mereka semua tuh apaan sih??!!!

Indira, you're divinely inspired when it comes to Music And The Arts!

You've got a lust for life and a rich imagination that just can't survive without a little music, art, and creativity! Whether you're heading out to hear a band, watch a play, attend an art exhibit, or just flipping through books or cds in your room, you get inspired by, well, the inspiration of others!

It's clear that you're curious about the world around you, and that you satisfy your thirst for new experiences by staying open to all sorts of interesting, new ideas and creative story lines. You, more than others, believe that life really does imitate art. So you might as well make it a masterpiece wherever you go.

huhuhu, can't really get away from the fact that even though i can't draw, that artistic cells still running in my soul!! huhuhuhu

tried this gmail account, get it from blogger. it's faster to get approved when you already have an account on blogger. well, it's kinda fun, considering that you'll get 10 GB quota! Then you wont have to delete or refile your emails.. wonderful :D

asik asik .... i'm chatting with adjie right now! and he's giving me advice about how to grab men's attention! ahahhaaa

Jedi sms me this morning. he wrote these simple lines that makes me think over and over again. about what i'm going to do next. he sms me at 5am, and until now, i still cant figure it out what to do. whether to sms him back, or just leave it like that. i'm so afraid that i might not be able to control my feelings, and go right back into that cracking-head-banging-cycle.

Started to feel myself fading from Question Guy. But then again, i guess i wasn't ready for any serious matters yet. if i do go on, then i'll just be lying to myself again.

chatted with Andre last night, and i asked him why people usually get this 'stagnasi kehidupan' syndrome. then he said, it's properly there to give us time to step back and reevaluated our actions. but what if i had enough of stepping back? will this stagnation process stop? when his time to asked questions came, he asked me about a very intriguing thing.

"pernah gak elo ngerasa sayang, tapi nggak. tapi elo tau klo elo sebenernya peduli?"

his question made me kinda reflect to my own feelings. so i said, that i have.

it's been a very low days for me. so tired of myself, my family, and everything that i've been working on. and what makes it even worse, is that i actually got no place to turn to..

i wonder what's wrong with blogger this time! Tiar invited me to join this Zorpia thing, and they give you a weblog as well. I really like to write about something, but somehow afraid that everybody will be able to read and know my feelings and thoughts transparantly. except if i made it a little .... AHA!!

I supposed to meet Mr. Question Guy yesterday at Mr. Bean ... but it rained all day, that he finally canceled it. Thank God I was with Nay!!

I reopened my photo albums and realized that JEdi holds most of my portrait, and somehow, I want it back. At least I want some of my picturs to be on my personal belongings...

another nightmare hit me. i almost got into a very bad man, and jedi doesn't know about it. i work it out by myself, which it came out totally wrong. i lost my self secure afterwards, because i didn't know what i really want. jedi was there, but because i didn't ask for his -i dont know what it's called- thing, i got into a big trouble with this bad man.

now this morning, i dont know what to think but to pray, ask My Lover up there to fix this broken feeling. it's wierd, but it's creeping into me, and i cant stop it by myself. i need HIm now more than ever. I'm shaking inside, but no one can tell ...

:: Run To Me // BeeGees ::

Ballet shoes- beautiful, graceful, and creative,
you enjoy dancing writing and music. You are
often very poetic and sometimes dramatic. You
keep to yourself aside from a few close friends
that you can relate to.

What Kind of Shoe Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

went to tista's place today. there's something slightly different about him. i wonder what ... oh well, the last 2 days has been so exhausting. taught sunday school really has worn me out! those childrens really giving me a hard time just to be patience. what is wrong between me and little children.

read tista's blog just then. i really miss a lot of his life story. thank God he knows where to turn to in time of troubles. so many things that comes up on my mind, and the horror is that i find it difficult to write it down each and every one of them. guess things has become rather complicated lately, each scene is jumbled up all together.

Budi's mom asked me today whether Ferry has given 'a thing that i dont know what' to me. So i said 'no'. kinda curious, what he is up to next ....

Watch Serendipity with tista ... oh my dear, that movie is so so unbelievably outstanding. is it true that we really control our own destiny by somewhat called faith? i wonder why i never got the chance to watch it from the first place. guess back then, my time is used totally for going to church meetings and things like that. Oh dear Lord, can You now let me feel what love from a perfect guy is like, one more time? I'm dreadfully tired with these crap-talking-with-no-serious-intentions creatures.

[thanks to Robert White]

yaiks!! i got online last night, and found marisa ... and him. hmm, he said hello, and like told this 'fine i wont bother you since you put the 'busy' sign up'-sentence. and i go .. oh.. c'mon! then he said that he was about to leaved when i signed in. so he said he'll give me a call. now ... as far as i know, there is no way he could call me! but .. he did!!!!
i cant believe my luck! he phoned me from his friend's house, for about 5-10min, but i was so happy. he told me that he was kinda confused about which song that he gonna sing this morning, then he said maybe he just sing the song about me. huahahahhaaha ... yups!! have i wrote that he made a song for me? [or is it about me?] but anyway ... still thinking whether this is the closest i can get with him or not. his friend once guessed that i like him, but well ... never find a sign that he like me back ...

so until the time comes, i'll just sit quitly and listen ....

:: You don't Know My Name // Alicia Keys ::

so tired ... cant sleep

hmm btw, about 9 or 10pm he sms me. it seems that he's running out of credit, so he cant sms me from his cellphone. he asked what dream i was dreaming and he also said that he misses me. cant help to say the same thing, but still kinda afraid to get hurt like the other day. so i told him that i cant expect anything ... like he gonna see or something like that. i only said that it seems like he can solve his own problem, and that he doesnt need me to help him in anyway. after all, that's what i'm getting from him.

chat with adjie today. wow, that guy really opened my mind about so many things. i even saved our conversation. it was not a coincidence! his words were all the things i need to know, and hear. phew ... thank God for sending him today!

indy
from this day forward your superhero name will be:

The Fighting
Catcher

your special power is: Teleportation

i dreamt of him last night. sms him in the morning, but he didn't reply. got so sad ...

You are Psalms.


Which book of the Bible are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

i miss him a lot today. but surely there is no way to contact him, no way to even talk to him. i wonder why he didn't give me any explanations. i wonder how he can sleep at night, knowing that someone out there is dying out of curiousity. how can he ever laugh knowing that someone out there might got hurt because of his actions.

life went up so boring lately. really need some freshen up! i dont know ... something that's juicy. btw ... HAPPY EASTER! ... pffftttt

this 'question guy' is totally freakin' me out! arrrghhhh.... starting to hate him for treating me like this! but then again, i only saying this bcoz of my feelings. got no logical reasons. but hey!! arent we girls usually does that??!! i guess guys just hated that ... being unlogical ...

But can 'The Guy In Question' live up to your romantic ideal?

The answer is: I dont think so, at least not at the moment. He just made a big mistake by showing his crap-talking side. And i thank God that i wasn't created to like those things.

[inhale][exhale] sometimes i feel like i love the wrong guy all the time. i didn't know which one is worse. being a person who loves too much, and too deep... or being a bitch who don't care for other's feelings and just playing them around. it's a dillema, and we're all facing it. what matters is only one ... making the choice.

:: Let's Stay Together // Al Green ::

My Jedi is leaving me ... no more cozy couch ... no more coke man ... no more star wars fairy tale. period.

why do i have to sms him? now, his answer is made me so darn sad!!
what is wrong with me,
why am i still thinking that he might still care about me?
SO STUPID!!!!

Hahaha, Faiz once told me that I looked like Sarah Jessica Parker. A few years later, I forgot who, but he/she mention the same thing. But .. duh ... I dont feel that we look alike, no sir. But when I took this quiz, well, seems like I do have something in common with Carrie! Me?? As every guy's perfect date? Now how can this be true? When was the last time I had a real date??? Hahaha, let see ... I presume it was last year, with ... *ehem*, somebody knows who he is ;)

Look at the romantic predection there!! It says that I'll meet up with a totally different type from the one I've been dating with. And it's going to happen around this year. Wow, that's pretty fast! Like ... A YEAR!!! Pffftttt

Went out with some friends the other night. Went to vote at Radio Dalam (he called!), then went to Yado to picked up Marisa, to Plaza Indonesia and met Hanny there, had some chat and just simply walking around. Met Uthy and Bimo!
Anyhoo, after that we went straight to Marisa's house and kinda helped her pack, then went on to Citos and meet the gank! I do have a great group of friends, and they're just everywhere! What a joy! hahaha :D

I miss tista a lot! Wonder where he really is, and what's been going on in his life lately...

You Are Most Like Carrie! You're quirky, flirty, and every guy's perfect first date. But can the guy in question live up to your romantic ideal? It's tough for you to find the right match - you're more than a little picky. Never fear... You've got a great group of friends and a great closet of clothes, no matter what! Romantic prediction: You'll fall for someone this year... Totally different from any guy you've dated. Which Sex and the City Vixen Are You Most Like? Take This Quiz Right Now!

building up dreams
like a castle in the sky
flying through each sparkling blitz
whispering..
'be her falling star'

i'll reach for my falling star
and keep it in my pocket
i'll keep my dreams and hopes
in the most private space

i can feel it close to me
whenever i'm lost
just to simply reach in
touch my dreams
and once again
i'm united with the future

*above the colorful alphabetical rubber carpet, in the small corner of my house, in a quite space somewhere on the globe*

One of my favourite Disney story ... Bambi!!

People aren't born naive, we are born with trust. Just like God trusted us, even though He knew from the very start that we can do things that are shamefool, but He sees the origin.

Until now, lots of people consider me too nice to everybody, even to the one that hurt me over and over again. But dont you think we should believe the good thing that is in each and every one of us? Is that such a wrong thing to do? Some has convince me to stop being who I used to be. That the world has no right to receive that kind of honesty, love, and trust. I get dragged to do the things I didn't believe in. But can I release myself from it now? Or is it because I let myself believe in these things, in what they say ... just so I have the reason to justify my hatred and discouragement. To justify my anger, my bitterness?

[thanks to The Gremlin]

I sms Jedi today, I told him that I feel sad if he keeps on doing what he's doing now. Then he replied that he was sad at the moment, but that's got nothing to do with me. He said that he's totally alright with me. It sure does give me some space to relax myself, but in another way, I feel sad for not being able to be there for him. This seperator girl make me very hard to feel close with Jedi.

Talked with Ma' today ... for me, she's one of the closest friends I have lately. She wrote me a short testimonial on friendster for me. It's only a line, but yet ... it says the whole thing that is me. I feel like she has known me well for years.

:: Real Thing // Paolo Santos ::

I got this song from Tiar. It turned out to be a good one! Aren't everybody wants the real thing? I'm not only talking about love, but concerning everything. We're all tired with fake surroundings, fake environment, fake words, fake faces, fake understanding ... almost everything. Each and every one of us, need, crave, and longing for that real thing. the essential 'it' that can blow your hearts out. Blessed the day when that real thing will come my way, or is it with me all the long? :)

Tista sms me yesterday and told me that he read my blog. He told me to love myself. Thanks Tis, that sms that you sent me, it popped up at the right time! Hahaha, you're such a blessing pal!!

Met Jedi online the other night, he said he misses me. I just realized that he changed yumma's line order on one of the posting in friendster's bulletin board. Hahaha, he actually did that in purpose!!

Starting to disregard him [the other him] when he's online, seems like he's doing the same thing with me. [pfft.. just when I wrote the last line, he came back online] Who cares!!!!

Huhuhu, i had 4 mid test today, 4 in a row! It started from 11am, and the whole thing is over at 6pm!! so tired!!!